should my penis look like a turkey
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
