I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
