I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
