Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
