Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
