Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to make out with him forever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
