I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
