Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
