I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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