I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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