So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
