Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
