i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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