some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
