Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
