This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
