Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
