I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
