I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
