I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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