I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
