are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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