sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
