The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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