How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
