i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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