they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
