He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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