u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just high enough for therapy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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