Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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