honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
