Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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