K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
