Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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