1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
