I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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