I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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