TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
