You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
