the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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