He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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