On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
