You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
