I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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