Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dignity is for republicans.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
as a side note pls kill me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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