I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
