how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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