i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
