I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize