My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
