5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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