Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
