I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
