dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
