so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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