So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His hands were made for my vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
