apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
