It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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