I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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