Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize