my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
