hotel room ftw
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
