A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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