I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
