so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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