Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
