But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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