nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
