We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
