Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
