I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
