So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
