Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize