Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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