Jerry, you need to find god
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
