I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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